My daughter is fourteen. And, she is in love. She is in love with a great boy who is totally in love with her. Probably, they are both too young to feel that way, but they do. Love is love.
She's far too young to date, and neither of them are allowed. However, they are allowed to spend short periods of time together with plenty of adult supervision. By me, at least. When they are together, it's beautiful to watch. I actually think they are good for each other. They are kind and supportive of each other. My daughter's confidence has really grown because of their relationship.
I never thought I'd approve of my 14 year old daughter liking a guy, but actually, I'm okay with it, because of the kind of guy he is.
However, this weekend, she decided that she is ready to give up on him.
His parents are Mormon, and they do not approve. They do not approve of my amazing, cool, wonderful, smart daughter. Why? Because she isn't Mormon. They don't want him to talk to her. They don't want him to like her. They won't allow him to come to any activity or party where she will be present. Their disapproval is like a wound for her, a wound that never heals, and always hurts.
So, after this week, she is letting go. They will be apart for the summer, and she's going to use that to let go of him, to move on. She can't live with being the girl that his parents hate.
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9 comments:
Wow. I'm so, so, sorry. :(
First boy who ever trampled my heart was Mormon (I'm not). His parents dismissed me like I was something on the bottom of a shoe, if they even acknowledged me. The boy still dated me, but eventually his guilt kind of took over. Every impulse he had, that made him feel like a bad "Mormon"? My fault. 15 years later, said boy tracks me down and apologizes. He's married to a nice Mormon girl, and has 4 little kids.
I just feel like there was no other way it could have played out. But that's the 33 year old me looking at it. The 15 year old me wasn't so rational. Please hug your daughter for me.
It is a terrible lesson for her to learn, but perhaps better now than at 35. Perhaps. Different kinds of hurt at different ages. It is never easy, but I am glad you are there to help her make sense of it all (or explain the lack of sense, as the case may be).
The most unfortunate thing about this is that from now on she's going to feel wary around the parents of future boyfriends.
It's bullshit that his closed-minded parents do not understand the effects that this act of protection has on anyone but their own son. Shit pisses me off.
Well at least she's going to give up something that while there might be a glimmer of hope, ultimately makes her feel bad, it only took me like 15 years to learn that lesson.
The other positive thing is that she picked a really nice individual to like, that says a lot about you as a mom. If she picked good the first time, she'll pick good again.
In the meantime, give her lots of love and maybe watch The Way We Were With Her and have a good cry. Oh, Hubble.
That's so sad that even young love is ruined by something like that.
it's so great when religious people can behave compassionately. they have got it right. this is JUST what jesus would do. i think he said, a lot, "make sure you don't date people who aren't in your own church."
Thats so sad. I mean, I agree that 14 us to young, but I also remember being that 14 year old girl and having a "broken heart".
Kudos to her for realizing that she doesnt have to settle for being "that girl"
my princess is 15- skating on the outskirts of boys... i don't sleep anymore.
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